Friendship can be a wonderful relationship that serves to support, encourage, and entertain. It’s unfortunate, but some friends tend to take more than give and might need to be cut out of your life.
Before evaluating your friendships, consider your reasons for friendship. Why do you have friends? What’s most important to you in a friendship? This can differ for each individual, so it’s important that you take a few moments to make your own list of reasons to keep a friendship. The reasons for ending a friendship are very subjective. The following list will not fit for everyone, but if any of these stand out to you, they may be red flags to a potentially negative relationship.
Review some of the following types of friends and take a moment to re-evaluate some of your friendships.
The Emotional Vampire
This is the friend who seems to suck the life out of you. Whether you realize exactly how they do it or not, you seem to leave feeling exhausted. These types of people tend to constantly be surrounded with some sort of drama. Life is rarely pleasant, and they have continuous problems they need to complain about. You might talk to this person about their effect on you, but you’ll soon realize these people rarely change. Friendship is about giving and taking, and if this friend is only taking, you deserve better.
The One-Upper/Snob
When you’re sharing an experience that’s important to you, this person interrupts with a story or experience that’s just a little more than yours. Their stories will always be more – more pleasant, more exciting, more dreadful, or more dramatic. If your friend doesn’t know how to listen and validate you, it’s time to start questioning how much they truly care about you. Give this friend a chance, but realize that what you have to say should be equally valued.
The Big Three: Lying, Cheating, or Stealing
Everyone makes mistakes, but after you give this friend multiple chances, it may be time to end the friendship. A friend who constantly lies or steals from you is not showing you the respect that friends should show one another. Reconsider the value in this friendship.
The Harvey Two-Face
The friend who says one thing and does something else or the friend who is nice to your face and then talks badly about you behind your back is a two-faced friend. Their actions tend to be more severe than the typical casual gossip common among friends; their actions are purposeful, hurtful, and continue regardless of your objections.
The Addict
Drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex -- whatever the addiction, the addict will eventually take so much from an individual that it’s just not worth being friends anymore. You can only be expected to support the addict for so long before your friend commits to making genuine positive changes.
The User
This person tends to always be friends with people who have something they need or like to use – a car, video games, a couch to sleep on, movies, food, etc. The test of this friendship is to start saying no. If the person still wants to spend time with you, then they are there for you. If you start cutting them off from your stuff and they start hanging out less – this could be a good sign they are just using you.
The Abuser
Friends should support, encourage, and love you. Yes, friends can challenge you to be a better person or make changes in your life, but this can be done in a loving and supportive way. The abuser tends to put you down, hurt you, and keep you down. The abusive friend will somehow convince you that you need them, despite how much they hurt you. It will be incredibly difficult to cut this friend from your life, as they will make it an effort to make your life miserable in the process. In the end, you’ll realize how much better you are without the abuser in your life.
This list is not intended to tell you when to end friendships. Instead, use this list as a starting point for evaluating questionable friendships in your life. If your friends tend to take more than they give, don’t be afraid to confront them and have a conversation about your concerns. Friends should be able to have open communication. If things don’t start to change, consider the benefits of cutting that friend out of your life.
Angela Wilson - Angela has a Bachelors of Science in Psychology and a Masters of Education in Counseling and Human Services. With a passion for helping ...
